Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Jill, at Scary Mommy, is looking for other moms who are scary. I fit the bill. What do you think? Comments help decide the winner, so please let me know! If you wouldn’t mind paying Scary Mommy a visit and commenting how much you like this post, I’d owe you one!
As I sit here trying to figure out what makes me a Scary Mommy, I’m not sure where to begin. Depending on who you ask, it could be any number of my ‘best’ mom qualities that make me terrifying. Most of my scary tendencies are related to making life better for my girls or taking care of them. Or at least my efforts to do so.
My poor husband is subjected to ‘planning nights” more often than you’d think, considering the lack or organization and planning that most of my days revolve around. I’ll sit at my computer, search for recipes, housecleaning ideas, general info on how to make life with kids healthier and easier. I could write a book. I just couldn’t follow it. I have a data base of recipes that I’ve never tried, and a decluttering and organizational plan sitting on my desk (under a pile of papers, but I’m sure it’s there somewhere!) I’m not much for schedules or organized activities, but try to veer from the few routines that I do follow, and watch out! Especially bedtime. Do not even attempt to get in the way of the bedtime routine.
On days that I get dressed before preschool drop off, I’m so proud of myself. Dressing by 9am is a feat. We are always the last ones to school…Poor M is usually the last one picked up – though she loves that – and I’ve usually forgotten something. Never mind the time I had to send her to school with a sandwich made of chocolate frosting and Sunbutter because I ran out of her favorite chocolate soy butter. Shhh. Don’t tell her!
I have the reputation of being a drill sergeant in my family. I’m the one who doesn’t let people babysit just because they want to. I don’t often let anyone watch the girls elsewhere. Maybe I’m a control freak, or maybe I wonder why you’re so interested in being alone with my kids? Come visit…no need to hang with them only when I’m not there. Believe me, if you call me uptight to my face, you’re not going to be alone with the girls. I have my rules for a reason. I expect them followed. You tell me my rules are stupid? You have your answer to why I never ask you to babysit. My own mother told me that I’m ‘petty’ when it comes to things that I don’t want my kids exposed to…you know, things like yelling, cigarettes, things they are allergic to. Yes, I’m nuts.
Having said that…I can be neurotic. I’ll admit. I worry about everything. I won’t take the girls to the park or beach by myself, because I get overwhelmed. I try to do errands during school, so I only have to go out with one of the girls. The thought of taking both of them out is frightening to me and creates a snowball effect. Everything seems tougher. The thought of putting a few diapers and wipes in a bag suddenly feels like a daunting task. I’m not a spur of the moment kind of mom. I need to plan. If I’m going somewhere in the morning, I start stressing about it at night. How will I fit in my shower? What do I pack for Abs to eat (severe food allergies make everything more difficult!) Will I get back in time to pick up M?
I’m ok with being less-than-perfect. In fact, I would not be ok with perfection. I yell, I cry. I worry about some of my actions sticking in their heads when they’re adults. Who wants their child to remember getting screamed at? Or being scared by my angry face? Other than that, the last thing I need is to care about looking good all the time, having overscheduled kids who have no time to just play, or making fancy meals that go uneaten. I don’t care to make parenting look effortless. It’s hard work. I can’t relate to anyone who suggests otherwise. I am constantly second guessing myself when it comes to my kids. I want to make sure I’m doing my best for them, and I worry about those who don’t occasionally wonder if they could be doing better. With many things, ‘Good enough’ is ok. Not with my kids. I don’t want to do just an ok job with them.
How could this not stress me out?
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Posted by LZ on October 22, 2009
Filed under: Daily Life, When I stink at my job
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October 22, 2009
Twitter: noreturnmom
I hear you on being controlling when it comes to other people watching them (family is the hardest, I think, since they feel more entitled to defy instructions, thinking they know better…Oh, how I love venting a little where my relatives can’t find me!).
Great post! You get my solid vote for first runner up.
Deb´s last blog ..Am I a Scary Mommy?
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October 22, 2009
Great post! As you said, parenting is very hard work and I am always amazed by the ones who make it look effortless!
By the way, I think you are doing a GREAT job with them!!
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October 22, 2009
Those who make it look effortless probably don’t put in the effort we do! That’s all I have to say about that! I’m just like you when it comes to most, if not all of what you said! I rarely even let my MIL babysit because I have my doubts about her abilities…even after raising 6 kids (it is a wonder they survived at all, so maybe that’s why I freak).
Kameron´s last blog ..Jack-o-lantern Spectacular
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October 22, 2009
You are scary! Hehe just kidding. Okay maybe a little bit. Actually I think you’re a great mom. All those things you mention as being uptight – that’s just you looking out for your kids, putting their interests and health first. I wish we lived close by as I think we’d get on well! I’m not an “effortless” parent either. Most days my hair is a mess, my outfit is just whatever I could grab from the wardrobe. But like you, I feel there are more important things. Great post!
Lady Mama´s last blog ..Baby faces
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October 22, 2009
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LZ, LZ. LZ said: New post on My Messy Paradise Be afraid. Be very afraid. http://bit.ly/3xZRJF: [...]
October 22, 2009
A sandwich with chocolate frosting? You are the best mom EVER.
I constantly feel overwhelmed and like you, I never take them certain places by myself (thought I was the only who did that!)
Great post…
Amanda´s last blog ..Real Estate, Rock Stars And First Kisses
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October 22, 2009
Hey don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t have kids of my own yet but I really feel that some of the reasons you are so hard on yourself for make you a good mom. They are your kids you make the rules, end of discussion. If someone doesn’t like your rules tough luck for them or don’t spend time with your kids. Good luck with those two cuties!
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October 22, 2009
Scary mommies are real mommies!!!
blueviolet´s last blog ..Go ahead. Call him boy.
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October 22, 2009
You sound just like me. I worry a lot & have so many blogs saved in my faves & recipes & toddler stuff. I need to sit down & organize it all, but I keep finding more things to add to it.
dramaqueensmum´s last blog ..Is it too early?
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October 22, 2009
You sound perfect to me! I am always the last one everywhere too!
Sara @ Domestically Challenged´s last blog ..Top 10 Thursday
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October 22, 2009
Twitter: hereslizz
I do the run errands with only ONE thing too. The mere thought of taking them all to the grocery with me makes me want to shave my head with a cheese grater.
LizzB´s last blog ..Motherhood Is Scary
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October 23, 2009
But how can anyone NOT be controlling? We’re the protectors of our babes! We must! Scary Mommies, UNITE!
Jennifer @ It’s A Beauty Filled Life´s last blog ..Top Ten Thursday – They Don’t Call ‘Em Crackberries For Nothin’
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October 23, 2009
I don’t know if I’m out of line for feeling connected to the stories -fact and fiction- of motherhood, but I am. I listen to all the planning ahead anxiety, the not wanting to take 2 kids out at once etc and I’ve found that I’m that way now AND I don’t even HAVE kids yet! I guess I’m trying to see all that is involved so that I can prepare myself.
We have been talking kids recently. My husband said something that struck me so he could test my readiness for kiddies. He said that I should “realize that having children doesn’t mean you can have all the attention anymore.”
Frightening, yet exhilarating, right?!
Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..HouseCraft: Illuminate Your World from the Inside Out
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October 23, 2009
I agree…Camden is 4, has never been left w/ anyone except me & Dan, but now the past 2 mos preschool, THATS IT! Not even my mom has watched him alone…I can count 3 times Ben, 6, has been left with someone other than us & school!! I work my schedule around my kids & don’t feel the need to go out without them. I try to do all my errands by myself or with 1, the EVIL younger one, cause I know its more of a stresser workout with both…..PLUS mine love to play…..nothing better to me than an afternoon outside while my boys play & I can choose to do some yardwork or just plop in a chair & read while they enjoy themselves….HOUSEWORK can wait!!
Many a night we have quick-n-easy meals w/ a veggie & fruit along side, everyone is happy! Thats all that matters!!!!
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October 23, 2009
Well you sound like me lol. I love your blog. I love it so much that I just gave you an award. Please stop by.
Tami´s last blog ..Coming Down the Aisle Is
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October 23, 2009
This was an awesome, real, honest and totally relatable post. I loved reading this. I am like you in SO many ways. We are all ‘scary mommies’ but you know what? That makes you a great mom, too. Loved this post!!
Loukia´s last blog ..A whole new world
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October 23, 2009
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October 23, 2009
I worry about EVERYTHING too. How I wish I had appreciate those worry free days before I had children. It’s just never, ever the same! Motherhood is the scariest thing ever.
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October 23, 2009
Scary Mommy, I’m learning how to deal by talking it out! Sometimes I may offer insight; sometimes I may be so way off the mark about motherhood. I was raised by my father while my mom worked. She found motherhood super scary and she admitted it to me in my adulthood. Work was easier for her!
Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..HouseCraft: Illuminate Your World from the Inside Out
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