Today is President’s Day, a holiday for some in MA. It means Joe is working from home. Usually, today included, this is a happy occurrence. We can go upstairs and say ‘hi’, he can come down for lunch, I can usually weasel in a shower with him watching the girls. All good things.
So why am I dreading him coming downstairs? Because, for much of the day, I follow the bare minimum approach to playing with the girls. We color, we may watch a show or two (or four, but who’s counting?) and we read. They are usually pretty easy to occupy. When Joe sees the girls coloring happily, he isn’t content. He asks them if they want to finger paint instead. If he sees them eating a snack, he asks if they want to help him mix a messy recipe. If they are content to play at home, he asks where they want to go. Watching a show quietly? He asks if the show they are watching is ok. Do they want to watch something else? Something better?
No! No they do not!
It’s a constant source of argument. On my end. All he is doing is trying to make sure they are having fun. Of course, I want they girls to enjoy themselves. When they get bored, we do something else. When they are no longer entertained by their current project? Sure, time to break out the paint or PlayDough. But when they are playing trains together or doing something that requires absolutely no interaction from me? It is NOT the time to suggest I play a game with them. They will always let me know when I’m not paying enough attention to them.
When there is more than one option that keeps the girls happy, you have to be nuts to choose the more complicated activity. Finger paints, smocks, table completely covered in mess or crayons and paper? Not a tough choice!
I’ve had Joe people argue that I’m not stimulating them enough, letting them play with messy projects or getting dirty. I get it. But it’s not my neat freak ways that make me behave this way. It’s my craving for peace and quiet. When we have it, I’m happy. I don’t need to raise high maintenance kids who are always looking for something to do that’s a bit more fun than something they’re already doing? My kids would be much less happy if I was stressing all the time about making sure they’re having fun!
Then, of course, you see photos like these, where the kids are clearly having a blast. And, for a fleeting moment, I consider giving my kids a paintbrush. And, then the moment’s gone…
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel pangs of guilt from time to time that I don’t do enough messy projects with Nate, but then I think that he is much more content playing with a toy than me standing over him like a drill sargent so he doesn’t make a catastrophic mess while painting.
My kids have never once played with paint. I can just envision the mess and hassle and fighting that would entail, and it’s just worth it. My kids probably wouldn’t appreciate it, anyway.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..The Way to My Heart
I feel the same exact way. I feel like if my little guy is content without me giving him constant attention, then it works better for me. Once in a while I give in to my guilt and let him get really messy!!! I know he has fun no matter what he does!
Constant stimulation and ‘activities’ aren’t the way in our house. I let Finn come up with imaginitive ways to amuse himself… and he does. I’m not his cruise director, I’m his mom and you know what? Some days we stay in our pjs all day long. He doesn’t look to me to supply him with a good time, he makes one himself. An old box becomes a truck, he colors, he plays in the bath for half an hour till he’s wrinklym and sometimes he veges out and watches Super Why. And yes, I take him out to the library, the art museum, the zoo, and for playdates with his friends, but it isn’t every day. There is something to be said for not being reliant upon parents for entertainment and constantly being ‘bored’ because they lack the skills or creativity to make their own fun. And to tell you the truth, some of the things Finn comes up with are way cooler than what I would have.
Michelle´s last blog ..An Anniversary Like No Other
I’m afraid I’m “Joe” in this scenario. If I come downstairs and my kids are sitting with my hub watching TV, I immediately pull out library books or craft items. I’m trying to wean myself from this insanity, but so far… not so good…
dusty earth mother´s last blog ..Semi-Retreating
I definitely agree with moving them away from the TV. It’s usually on so I can get something done or take a shower, not to entertain them when they want to do something else. I’m ok with occasional TV, but would hope they’d be pulled away from it when it got to be too much, by me or by Joe.
I knew the second I saw ‘these’ where that was headed… to me! I say let them do what makes them happy… if they are happy with their trains or coloring books- let them be. I think children need to have the ability to amuse themselves or they will constantly be looking for others to entertain them which can lead to trouble in the long run. On the other hand, I don’t mind if my kids use a little paint or lipstick to amuse themselves once in awhile (at least until I am on bath #4 trying to clean them up!)
Michele´s last blog ..Design on a Dime: Photo Matte Tutorial
The pictures were too great not to have them go around again!
My hubby is exactly the same way. Ugh!
Messy Mommy´s last blog ..have a {love}ly day!
I honestly don’t believe you do your kids any favors if your constantly stimulating and playing with them. Kids need down time. They need to be able to find things to do and entertain themselves. Not all the time but sometimes.
What are you going to do when they are older? Follow them to collage and into marriage? Call them everyday asking, “Are you having fun? Is your spouse paying enough attention to you?”
lol
A friend of mine is like that. Has her kid constantly doing things. She has even minute of his time scheduled. Poor kid has no clue how to just do nothing. He’ll have an ulcer by the time he’s 9.
ggs_closet´s last blog ..What I’m Lovin’ and Hating from NYFW
Oh… I suddenly feel less guilty about not breaking the paint out for my son in a while.
Sounds like I am much like you in the mess-creation department. If it’s not created, I don’t have to clean it. When my son (and I only have one) does paint, he sits at his table with no shirt & gets one colour at a time, which he dips his hands or fingers in and applies to the over-sized paper. Usually, the mess is contained… and I always have a pack of wipes on hand.
Sarah´s last blog ..Next stop, WOHM?*
I hate play-doh! Dad’s are trouble! lol, just kidding. But I do know what you mean. I hated it when my hubby worked 3 on/2 off. It was nice but it was also awful.
Sues2u2´s last blog ..To my love
oops, LZ! Realized that my post sounded totally obnoxious. What I was trying to say is that I completely agree with you and I am weary of being so guilt-ridden and “over-stimulating”. I need to just let my kids be. Any recommendations for an overbearing mom?
dusty earth mother´s last blog ..Semi-Retreating
I have to kind of agree with you! If they’re happy and content, what’s the problem? If they’re bored, then you could offer some activity choices!
blueviolet´s last blog ..So Apparently I’m Not a Nice Looking Person
Gosh! I know exactly how you feel. The dynamic when we are all home together is quite different than the days when I’m home alone with my two boys. When it’s just me, things are calmer, the boys do a better job of entertaining themselves. I can leave them and accomplish other tasks. When my husband is home, it’s just one big PLAY fest and they struggle to entertain themselves. I’ve never understood it really, except for the fact that daddy plays better and so when he’s around the expectation is different. I’m a big believer in free play, I prefer to let my children guide the path of our activities. I may make suggestions, but for the most part I try to follow their lead. They need to find peace in the mundane too, because there will be times when sitting quiety is okay! If my husband sits quietly, he falls asleep. He’s all about go, go, go, I’m all about chill, chill, chill. Really enjoyed this post!
Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Lessons on growing up
I agree with you. If your children are playing togher (or apart, but still playing nicely) nicely, there is NO NEED to interrupt them to start a new activity, or something more exciting. If they are colouring, or playing trains, or dolls, or whatever – let them be! When they need to start something new, you’ll know. Tip-toe away from the playing children! That’s a great time for you to load the dishwasher! (Oh, how exciting our lives are!) Sometimes, I’m guilty, like your hubby – if I see my husband sitting down with my boys, not doing much, I’m all like: “Do this! Do that! Get them up!” And them I’m like… “sssh, Loukia! Let them be!”
Loukia´s last blog ..Emails from my mom…
oooh, I hear you. In our house, there is no play dough allowed. Stella only got to play with it a few times at other people’s houses, like my parents, or friend who had it in the house.
They only use they easels with paint in summer, on the terrace. Under supervision, of course. In winter, indoors, they use markers mostly.
Seriously, don’t get me started. I hate messy games. As if the house isn’t enough of a mess already.
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog ..I’ll have the one with studs, please
Oh my word. This is totally my husband. He shakes things up constantly… I can only handle about four days off of work before I go nuts and I love him more than life.
I. HATE. PLAYDO. AND. PAINT.
I am a former elementary teacher. One would think I would embrace this stuff. I don’t.
Natalie at Mommy on Fire´s last blog ..Behind the Cloud
….don’t forget moonsand…..I hate moonsand….I learned the hard way that it should be an outdoor thing…
My husband tends to ignore what ever it is the kids are doing so I don’t get any interference but I don’t really get any help either. Since our house is a wreck without the messier art supplies at the ready, I do most of our messy activities outside on bath night. When they get “bored” and have thoroughly ravaged the living room, I send them up to clean the playroom. They will of course simply play but won’t try to involve me because they know that means I’ll just check their progress. The room will be worse for the experience but I will get some much needed time to do my own cleaning – or blog reading.
Sarah@neoteric.traditional´s last blog ..Night time waking: Toddlers
The other day, I watched my niece for about seven hours and I was completely exhausted. Seriously, a 12-14 hour workday is nothing compared to taking care of a child for seven hours. And you have two! Why not just save the bigger, messier activities for special occasions, maybe about once a month?
Melissa Donovan´s last blog ..A Messy, Liberating Guide to Journal Writing
My husband is off work for the week right now. He does everything differently than me it seems and it throws me and the kids off our game! But like you I like to do what I can to maximize peace and quiet. I like to let the kids develop their own activities and games, rather than pushing them into specific choices. Criticism or not, it works for me!
Laurie´s last blog ..Memory Lane Monday: Olympic Edition
Very similar deal at my house. We should leave J & B with all 4 kids for a day and let them go as crazy as they want–and deal with the aftermath (including overstimulated kids who won’t sleep).
Deb´s last blog ..Want ‘me time’? Talk like a guy
Excellent idea! When, exactly, can we do this?