The Beach is not my friend.
Sunday started as any other weekend day. Joe and I couldn’t agree on what to do. He wanted to do something wild and crazy, like go to the beach, or go have some fun outside, while I wanted to stay inside, stay cool and nap.
He offered, “Why don’t I take the girls and you can have some time to yourself?”
Perfect…and too good to be true, as it was followed by, “Though it would be really nice to go together.”
Guilt trip. I refused to let it work.
“I don’t even own a bathing suit.” Can’t argue with that logic!
“So, go buy one. We’ll wait and go when you get back.” Crap.
(insert long sigh combined with eye roll) “Fine.”
He won. Now, our decision was between beach or pool. Either way, this sucks for me. I wanted the pool. Both girls wanted the pool. Somehow, we decided on the beach.
I haven’t worn a bathing suit in 2 years. I went to the store. After scouring the racks of teenie bopper bikinis that my two-kid belly and too-many-cookies ass could not handle and one-pieces that my mom is too young for, I found one that was *ok.* By ok, I mean it showed no stomach and there was a matching pair of swim shorts.
Off to the dressing room.
After trying on the suit, I cried, curled up in the fetal postion on the floor, and sucked my thumb for a few minutes. I decided that was pretty gross and got up, returning the ridiculously tight bathing suit to the rack and getting the next size up, much to my dismay. I bought the stupid suit and went home. I walked in the door, about to cry after my dressing room disaster. Joe gave me a big hug and said he thinks I look great. What a guy…
After a quick wash of the suit, and application of my new SPF 100 sunblock, I grabbed my beach bag, and we were ready to go. I walked in the kitchen, and Joe almost fell to the floor with laughter.
“Seriously. What the fuck is so funny? I’m already in laugh/cry mode today. Don’t make it worse.”
“HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”***
(*** he would like me to point out that he was laughing at my attitude and disposition. Not at me. I don’t believe him. See his next comment.)
“I’m not going. Fuck off.”
“No…I’m sorry. I can’t help it. You look like Powder wearing his grandmother’s bathing suit.”
“I’m really not going.”
Then M chimed in, “You have to go.” Abs piped in, “Mama!!! You go beach!!”
Fine. Just fine, but I am NOT going to be happy about it.
I put on my dress (at which point, Joe said I looked nice. In my head to toe cover up.) I grumbled to the car.
As we pulled into the beach, the sun went behind the clouds and then rained on us 30 minutes after we arrived. We left and came home.
Where it was sunny and had not rained.
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Posted by LZ on June 29, 2010
Filed under: Daily Life, Favorite Posts, Love, Honor, OBEY
Tags: bathing suits, beach, favorites, Summer
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June 29, 2010
Twitter: LovinStilettos
LMFAO! “You look like Powder wearing his grandmother’s bathing suit.”
OMG I think I peed a little bit.
Men are so DUMB sometimes. They say stupid shit and don’t even realize it. While that comment IS funny, I would be LIVID if someone said it to me. I hate bathing suits. I love going to the pool/beach but I hate the part about wearing a damn bathing suit.
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog ..♥DJ Vajazzle
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June 29, 2010
I laughed the whole way through this! Girl, you are a hoot! My suit? 3 years old. Won’t go through the pain of buying another. My mind can’t take it.
sara@domesticallychallenged´s last blog ..Summer Fun-
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June 29, 2010
Twitter: alexistlesa
ummm…powder?! it’s like, hey honey, please think of the WORST comparison you can make to your sensitive and ptsd due to dressing-room warfare wife, and go with that one. men are lame. and so are bathing suits.
laughed my ass off. (wishful thinking)
alexis @ depressionsandconfessions´s last blog ..proud to be a theta mom
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June 29, 2010
Oh My Gosh, i was just going through something really similar. I was just trying out my dress for my sister’s wedding and realized, shit, i had put on some weight
it was so depressing i wanted to cry !!! gosh, my one kid belly does NOT go away. OK i am on a crash diet. !!
shafeena´s last blog ..Shopping- Shopping -amp More Shopping
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June 29, 2010
I haven’t owned a bathing suit in at least 10 years. I haven’t worn a pair of shorts since I was 12. I’ve never had a tan. Really, I am the whitest person alive. Me and Powder, we’re like *this*.
It must have been horrible shopping experience weekend, though. I’m sure you looked fine.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..I Hate Shopping
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June 29, 2010
You and me both!
Next time don’t give into the guilt, just let him take them and you stay home in the air conditioning.
And I was a little disappointed there was no picture of powder wearing his grandmother’s bathing suit
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June 30, 2010
Twitter: CoffeesCommutes
Okay I am so sorry my friend, but I’m laughing. (With you of course!)
Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Beach books and summer fun
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LZ replied:
June 30th, 2010
Much better than Joe’s reaction, so thank you!
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July 1, 2010
That is proof that husbands should never force their wives to do stuff they don’t want to do. There’s a tight bond between mothers and Mother Nature
BTW, loved the bit about “my two-kid belly and too-many-cookies ass” – made me laugh out loud. Laughing not to cry, as they say
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog ..Shopping in Zurich- the Curiosity Market
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July 1, 2010
Twitter: noreturnmom
HAHA! I agree with you that the bathing suit selection is just horrific. I have a green Nike one piece that must be 8 years old that seems to hold everything together okay, but the elastic’s days are numbered. Bri keeps mentioning that he *thinks* Victoria’s Secret is having a swimsuit sale. On his planet, this is a useful suggestion.
Deb´s last blog ..So where were we again
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