You know how I know that I suck at disciplining my oldest daughter? It is August. It’s 95 degrees outside, I made reference, not once, but twice, to the big man in the red suit today…

I took the girls to the grocery store, a chore so unpleasant in and of itself, that I feel I deserve a freebie for one of the comments. The trip was going fine, whining was kept to a minimum, and then we passed the book section. I would probably have bought her the stinking book if the request didn’t start as a high-pitched squeal, and turn into a screaming, howling demand for me to back up the cart. I kept going…So did she. Finally, after the ump-teenth evil glare from my fellow shoppers, I leaned in real close and said, “Maybe we should think about adding it to your Christmas list.” Um….self? What the eff did you just say? You seriously just CHOSE to put Christmas and lists and presents in her head. In August? Nice work, idiot. Guess what? It worked.

So, we carried on. Then we entered the freezer section. First it’s, “I’m so cold, I want to get out of here right now!!” Me, too, kid…I’ll go as fast as I can. Then, “I want a Kid Cuisine with star shaped chicken nuggets!! I NEED that!!!” Damn you, commercials. “You’re not getting that. I’ll try to make you some star shaped chicken nuggets.” “But, it has a brownie with sprinkles!!!” “I can try that, too.” “NO! You are going to stop this cart and buy me Kids’ Cuisine.” Uh, think again. I’m not. “No, we have to leave. You’re going to find yourself in time-out.” “No, YOU’LL be in time-out.”

“M…do you really think Santa likes the way you’re speaking to me?”

“No.” She miraculously calmed down.

And I feel like a useless parent.

We left without our Kid Cuisine.

In the car, she said “Mom, I don’t think Santa is watching. It’s Summer. He only watches when it’s cold out,” I had no reply. I’m just happy I got out of there before she came to this revelation.

I’m also sad that I lost the chance to use this gem of a threat until we’re wearing mittens. Crap.

Today, I am the statue.

The day started great. Better than usual. I woke up rested and motivated. Lots to do and the energy to do it!

I dropped M off at school and went grocery shopping. Big dinner tonight! The girls love fruit and chicken, so I planned to make a strawberry and chicken salad with raspberry vinaigrette. Yum for me, yum for them. I got home, unloaded the groceries, and planned my next move.

I never mop my floors. Really. Never. I think the last time they were mopped was when we had a cleaning person. She quit sometime in 2008. I went out and bought a WetJet, figuring, the easier it is, the more likely I am to use it regularly. I was actually excited to use it. The floors looked great, the gunk came off, the mess of 2 small kids was swiffered away.

I felt pretty productive and proud of myself.

So, I then pick M up at school. For an afternoon snack, I decided to make fruit smoothies. They had them yesterday at a playdate and both loved them. I load the OJ and the fruit, and turn on the blender. It overflows. All over my counter, all over my newly mopped floors. Awesome. I cleaned it up, but am still finding sticky areas that I missed.

Dinner was fun, too. Remember the salad I planned? I made it. Delicious. I loved it. I put it in front of M and she started screaming. “I hate the way this chicken smells!!! I won’t eat it.” She proceeded to throw a 15 minute fit on my floor until I sent her out of the room. Meanwhile, Abs has thrown her entire salad on my newly mopped floor.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, M saw an ant in the house and freaked “Mommy, I am so scared of the bug, please get rid of it.” I ‘took care’ of it, then threw the paper towel in the trash. Not the right thing to do. “He’ll miss his family! He needs to be outside.” A little too late for that, but I went through the charade.

As I opened the door, a huge moth flew in. I can’t find him.